Transcript of Inauguration Speech from the President of the United Mobile Games

CEOs, CTOs, CFOs, COOs, distinguished PMs, and my fellow Mobile Gamers.

This is gaming’s day.
A day of history and hope, of renewal and resolve for a better future.

Through a crucible for the ages Gaming has been tested anew and Gaming has risen to the challenge.

Today, we celebrate the triumph not of a new game, but of a cause: the eradication of buggy games.

The will of gamers has been heard and the will of gamers has been heeded. We have learned again that stability is precious. Stability is fragile. And at this hour, my fellow Gamers, the desire for bug-free games has prevailed. So now, on mobile devices where bug-ridden games are launched on a daily basis, we come together as one community to carry out the peaceful upgrade of versions as we have for more than a decade.

We look ahead in our uniquely Gamer way — restless, bold, optimistic — and set our sights on the stable games we know we can play, of which stability we must demand.

I thank my fellow PC Gamers and Console Gamers for their support of games as a whole. I thank Coin-op Gamers, who cannot be with us today, but whom we salute for their lifetime of commitment during a time when debugging was more difficult.

But the Gamer story depends not on any one of us, not on some of us, but on all of us. On “We the Gamers” who seek a more perfect experience, without bugs, crashes, and lag. Over the decades through crashes and disconnects, through lag and frame-rate drops, we have come so far. But we still have far to go.

We will press forward with speed and urgency, for we have much to do for gaming as a whole.

Much to repair. Much to debug. Much to fix. Much to build.

And many game genres to discover.

Few periods in our community’s history have been more challenging or difficult than the one we’re in now. Mobile gaming as a platform is arising unchecked as shovel-ware and blatant cash-grabs stalk the pages of App Stores. The stigma of mobile gaming haunts us.

Millions of sessions have crashed. Hundreds of thousands have uninstalled buggy games. The dream of stability for mobile will be deferred no longer.

A cry for a bug-free experience comes from the community itself. A cry that can’t be any more desperate or any more clear, exemplified by the surge of mobile gaming as a once-in-a-century virus stalks the country.

To overcome these challenges — to restore the soul of gaming and to secure the future of mobile — requires more than developer roadmaps and empty promises. It requires that most elusive of things in game development: Embracing Unity.

I ask every Gamer to join me in this cause. Uniting to fight the common bugs we face:

  • Out of Memories, Memory Leaks, ANRs.
  • Lag, Crashes, and Glitches.
  • Resource Drain, Bad Code, Unstable Versions.

With Unity we can do great things. Important things. We can deploy to iOS and Android. We can put indie developers to work in good IDEs. We can teach our children with word games. We can make Gaming great again, the leading source of entertainment in the world.

I know speaking of bug-free gaming experiences can sound to some like a foolish fantasy. I know the incumbent developers have internalized the inevitability of buggy code and disastrous launches.

But I also know that a new wave is coming. Our history has been a constant struggle between the Gamer ideal that all gaming experiences should be bug-free, and the harsh, ugly reality that engineering, development, and product launches must compromise on quality and tear us apart in the comments section.

The battle is perennial. Victory against insidious crashes is never assured. But through the ages, from the DreamCast to the golden age of consoles, to PC gaming, and now Mobile gaming with iOS and Android, through struggle, salt, and server shut-downs, our “Will to Game” has always prevailed. In each of those generations, enough of us came together to carry all Gamers forward, rewarding companies that made great games with 5-star reviews and word-of-mouth sales.

And, we can do so now as Mobile Gaming seeks to join the fray. We can see each other not as different gaming communities, but as Gamers. We can treat each other with dignity and respect. We can join forces to demand that gaming companies provide bug-free experiences or suffer user churn.

For without Quality Control, there is no entertainment; only bitterness and fury as 1-star reviews pop up.

To the Game Developers out there, I believe gaming is better than this. To all those who support a gaming future with more polish and fewer black screens, let me say this: Embrace Unity’s path forward.

We are at the cusp of Opportunity. Security. Crash-Free Experiences.

And we must work in Unity to build the best mobile games possible.

Recent weeks and months have taught the gaming community a painful lesson when Cyberpunk2077 launched:

There is truth and there are lies. Lies told for power and for profit.

And each of us has a duty and responsibility, as Gamers — casual or hardcore — to defend the sanctity of gaming and to defeat the developers that would see us accept a less-than-stellar experience.

I understand that many Gamers view the future of gaming with some fear and trepidation. I understand they worry about their favorite games and developers, about publishers de-platforming their favorite games, about what bugs the next version can bring.

I get it.

But the answer is not to turn inward, to retreat into competing factions on Mobile vs Console vs PC, distrusting those who don’t play like you do, or game the way you do, or don’t use the same OS as you do.

We must end this uncivil war that pits PC against Console, Casual versus Hardcore, Mobile versus Traditional.

We can do this if we open our souls instead of hardening our hearts. Because at the end of the day, we as Gamers have one thing in common: the desire for a bug-free gaming experience. And, if we are this way, our community will be stronger, more prosperous, more ready for the future.

We will get through this, together. The gaming world is watching.

So here is my message to those mobile game developers using Unity: Embrace is coming to Unity.

A mobile analytics tool that promises to fix your buggy code and provide insight into the difficulties your gamers face. A tool that enables mobile game developers to always know the core issues causing undesirable mobile gaming experiences.

I hope that Embrace-ing Unity will provide a path forward into a golden age of mobile gaming, where design isn’t hindered by instability, but the experience is guided forward by strong, stable mobile apps.

So, with purpose and resolve we turn to the tasks of our time. Driving away bugs. Defeating the terror of crashes.

And, devoted to one another and to this community we love with all our hearts.

May Mobile Gaming succeed with the help of Embrace.

Thank you, Gamers.

Disclaimer: This is a spoof of our new president Joe Biden’s inauguration speech.